Why Being A Jerk Works

I was tempted to use a harsher word in the headline of this post (see picture below for reference).  But I'm not usually [that] blunt, especially when choosing words for my blog posts.  But I feel pretty strongly about this whole concept because I see examples of it day after day.

In difficult situations, if you are willing to be a Jerk, it seems like a guarantee that you will get your way.

I don't like it.  I don't enjoy having to explore that avenue when I find myself in less-than-ideal situations. 

I’d like to be able to say that if I was in a courtroom, in front of a judge, I could honestly testify that "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. I’m NEVER a Jerk." 

But let's be honest.  I'd have to throw myself on the mercy of the court because I'm as guilty of this heinous behavior as anyone.

 My husband calls it my mean bone.

The majority of the time, I want everyone to like me.  I want the people around me to be happy.  I don't like causing waves.  But sometimes, when I get painted into a corner, I feel something deep down inside.

It’s like a twitch.  The twitch of my mean bone.

It starts because I get cranky feeling like I've played by the rules.  I've done what I was supposed to do.  So the “good person/citizen/customer” train has well left the station.  But then I can see the end of the line--and it's not where I wanted to go.  No amount of cajoling and niceties is changing the conductor's mind.

I don't know what else to do. 

That's when the personality that lives inside my mean bone takes over.  And it’s not pretty. Regardless of how I feel about having to draw from that resource, and as much as I dislike her, I know one thing for certain.

She's unwavering.  She's supremely confident.  And she gets results.

Why?

I’ve spent hours reflecting on these situations.  Unlike people who walk through life comfortable being a Jerk, I don’t.  So when that side of me goes dormant again, happily tucked away inside my mean bone, I’m left agonizing over every little detail trying to decide how I could have handled the situation differently.

After careful review of, ahem, a "few" of my past situations, I feel like being a Jerk worked to my benefit because of one of these three reasons:

1. People don't like confrontation
2. When I cared more than they did, the other person caved
   
3. They just wanted to make me go away

These kinds of confrontations ooze negativity, and most of us would rather not go there unless we have too.  If it’s easier to sidestep someone nasty, we will.

"Please, here, take it, go away and lemme alone."

In my experience, the only time that this strategy doesn't work is when I’m confronted with someone whose mean bone is bigger than mine.  That's when things can get really nasty.  It usually leads to an escalated situation where everybody’s a loser and I'm just ashamed of myself.

I try keep my mean bone tucked away and hidden.  I’ve met people whose mean bone hangs right out there for everyone to see, and I know that's not me.  While I could see the benefit of going through life always getting your way, that’s not the way that I want to live mine.

I know that I'm never going to be as kumbya as I want to be. Having a mean bone means that sometimes I will end up going in the complete opposite direction.  It all depends on how passionate I feel about something, and how far I’m willing to go to get there.

It's all a learning process. One day I may win the battle against my mean bone, but for that to happen, my nice bone is going to have to show me that it can get the same results.

(photo credit mistagregory)

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